What to do About Conflicting Sexual Desires


If you’re a single girl like me who enjoys the freedom of casual sex then the following scenario probably sounds familiar. You meet a guy you’re attracted to and start hooking up. You enjoy his company, on occasion, and you really enjoy having sex with him. And then it happens. He asks you to do something in bed that completely turns you off, or maybe you were the one with the request that totally killed the mood. Then comes the awkward silence and you ask yourself “how am I going to save this situation?” Never fear! There are steps you can take to keep this from happening to you.

If you want to ask your partner to do something for you in bed start by asking what you can do for him. Your willingness to fulfill his desires will make him much more open to fulfilling yours. If he asks for something you don’t want to do ask yourself why you’re turned off by his request. Have you ever tried it? Did you have one bad experience that turned you off of the idea? Be willing to at least try what he wants to do. If you aren’t enjoying it he will be able to tell and he’ll move on to something he knows you enjoy. Be willing to do the same if he tries something you suggest and doesn’t like it. And remember that nonjudgmental communication and compromise is the key to making sure you both enjoy your encounter.

If at the end of the day you just don’t feel right about what your lover wants you to do, consider the options. If it is something you could do once then by all means fulfill his fantasies, however if it is something that you know you would never get over if you did do it – then respect yourself and remain true to your sexual boundaries – no relationship should come at a cost to your own well-being. Yes you risk being dumped, but hey it then gives you the opportunity to find someone who shares the same sexual beliefs and boundaries as you.